Attack of the Voodoo Bobbleheads
By Joe Lavin
I feel dirty. I have been shopping at the New York Yankees web site. As a Red Sox fan, this certainly felt wrong, but it was something that had to be done. Let me explain. Some friends and I were recently having a party for our former boss Bob, who happens to be a diehard Yankee fan. Aside from this obvious personality flaw, Bob's a great guy, and so we all chipped in and bought him some Yankee memorabilia as a gift.
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Of course, this isn't easy for a Red Sox fan. You try visiting the Yankee shop at MLB.com without reviving all sorts of horrible memories. You can't click on a link there without running across either Bucky Dent or Roger Clemens. Considering the sheer number of items signed by Clemens there, I can't help but wonder how he found the time to pitch over the last few years? With all that signing, he'll probably come down with Carpal Tunnel before throwing out his arm.
There were even several items signed by Wade Boggs. For $20, you can get an autographed bucket of fried chicken and the
Margo Adams
edition of Penthouse (click to see her ebay auctions).
Actually, I'm joking, but for some reason there are many Wade Boggs photos here. These must be on the site solely to annoy Red Sox fans. After all, do Yankee fans even care about Wade Boggs anymore?
 In the end, we were able to survive all the flashbacks and found a nice plaque with pictures of Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, and Mantle. Of course, we needed to include something Red Sox-related as well, so we decided to throw in a
Pedro Martinez bobblehead doll.
Bob laughed at the bobblehead, but looking back it might not have been the best gift. It certainly wasn't very well made. Shortly after we took it out of the box, Pedro's ankle snapped right off the pedestal. Yes, within 15 minutes of being opened, the Pedro bobblehead was already on the DL. "Just as fragile as the real thing," we all joked. This was clearly the most accurate bobblehead doll ever. The only way it could have been more accurate is if it had suddenly announced that it wouldn't be bobbling for the media.
But here's the scary part. The very next day, I was watching Pedro pitch against the Yankees when Ruben Sierra hit a ball off Pedro's ankle. Less than 24 hours earlier, Pedro's bobblehead had broken his ankle, and now a ball was bouncing off the real Pedro's ankle. For a second, the entire season flashed before my eyes. If anything had happened to him then, I would have held myself personally responsible. Had I somehow bought a voodoo bobblehead doll by mistake, I worried. And, even worse, had I given it to a Yankee fan?
Luckily, Pedro wasn't hurt at all, and he went on to dominate the Yankees to cap off a great weekend in New York. As for the bobblehead, Bob tells me that he had glued it back to the pedestal the night before, so all should be well. Still, I am a little nervous that such a potential weapon is in the hands of a Yankee fan. Maybe it was the glue to the bobblehead, which ensured that Pedro's ankle wouldn't get injured. What happens next time when the bobblehead's pitching arm falls off and Bob's not so generous with the glue?
I don't mean to be quite so superstitious, but as a Red Sox fan it's tough not to be. You can't turn on a national Red Sox telecast without hearing all about the Curse of the Bambino. If Joe Buck and Tim McCarver can mention the Curse every half-inning, then I can believe in voodoo bobbleheads.
If anything happens to Pedro this year, I will have no choice but to go out and buy a Derek Jeter doll and hope that I can turn it into a voodoo bobblehead as well. Then again, with the way Jeter's been playing lately, there's probably no need for that. Thankfully, with Jeter in the midst of an 0-for-32 slump, I think he has all the bad voodoo he needs.
See also: Pedro
Martinez' little friend, Nelson de la Rosa
Joe Lavin writes a weekly humor column at
http://www.joelavin.com
From: redsox.theinsiders.com
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